Oh, For Heaven's Sake!

It sure looks like an Egyptian girl to me!

Just when we thought America couldn’t possibly get any weirder something comes along that reminds us we ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Headline on Yahoo News—and one hopes the word “news” was meant ironically—“Jackson’s Ancient Double: Statue’s a Dead Ringer for Jacko.”

Let’s see, there’s the battle for health care reform, the Sotomayor nomination to the Supreme Court, the economy, the crisis in Iran … but Andrew Grenier, Yahoo’s go-to-guy in Chicago, gives us the earth-shattering news that there’s a 3,500 year-old statue—Grenier says 3,000 because his math isn’t any better than his reporting—that (gasp!) looks like Michael Jackson. First of all, wouldn’t it be the other way around? Secondly, who friggin’ cares?

Sure, we all like offbeat human interest stories, the “man bites dog” example they trot out in Journalism 101. But that’s exactly what’s so lame about the Grenier piece. It’s trite, unimaginative, and unspeakably boring because it’s pure contrivance. I’m sure if someone looked hard enough they could find a statue somewhere that vaguely resembles your Uncle Ralph. People past and present are, after all, the same species. But even worse, the Grenier piece is ghoulish—a lazy reporter trying to hitch a ride from a corpse. How long does Media Lite intend to milk Michael Jackson’s demise? Here’s all we need to know: Michael Jackson is dead. As the Italians would say, “Basta!”--LV