Are You Bleeping Me?

Is Captain Kirk corrupting youthful morals?

Man, I’m tried of the bleep from right-wingers, Tea Partiers, and Christian Islamists. I just want them to go away. I don’t have time for their bleep any more.

In their latest I’m-so-shallow-I-must-protest rant, the Loony Right is going after CBS for its new comedy show starring William Shatner, “Bleep, My Dad Says.” The self-proclaimed guardians of American morality say that the word is obscene and endangers the morals of its vulnerable children. In case you don’t know, the word in bleeping question is “shit.” That’s right—let me shout it—S-H-I-T! Close your eyes and say it out loud. There. Now open your eyes. Did American might crumble as a result? Did a neighboring five-year-old lapse into juvenile delinquency and torch your porch?

I guess I can see the concerns of “concerned” parents. I’m sure that word is never used at home. They must protect little Rush from a word he’s not likely to hear in the public realm until late in life—say the second day of pre-school. Talk about a tempest is a Tea Party pot. What kind of— dare I say it?—shithead gets worked up about this? The whole thing would be risible were it not for the fact that the Loony Right owns the media, Congress, and much of the entertainment industry. They are hellbent—sorry another swear embedded in that term—on telling the rest of us what we should do, who we should love, what we can say, and what we can think. If we don’t wake up, America is going to be the Swat Valley writ large.

I propose two immediate responses. First, let’s all use the word “shit” early and often, especially when walking by rightwing churches. Second let’s form an advocacy group and call it SHIT (Send Hypocrites to Infect the Taliban). It might be dangerous to link the American right with the Taliban, but it’s a risk worth taking. Call it the twenty-first-century containment policy: keep all intolerant terrorists in one place.