LABOR DAY (2013)
Directed by Jason
Reitman
Paramount, 111
minutes, PG-13
*
I'm such a public servant that I waited until after Labor
Day to inflict this bologna sandwich of a film upon you. Nobody should ruin a
holiday weekend by watching this piece of detritus. In fact, you should avoid
it even a slow Tuesday. This is a very bad movie–one that's too pretentious to
be camp and too inept to be considered much of anything else.
Its hook–more like a windup right cross you see coming from
a mile away–is an unlikely (impossible?) triad between escaped convict Frank
(Josh Brolin); a psychologically damaged divorcee, Adele (Kate Winslet); and
her obedient 13-year-old son Henry (Gattlin Griffith) who, like all
thirteen-year-olds, just wants his mom to be happy. (Do 13-year-olds even admit
that they have parents?) The film is
set in 1987, a date apparently pulled from a hat. A chance encounter inside a
discount store between Frank and Henry leads to a family napping. (What? Nobody
thought of screaming for help in a crowded store?) The wounded Frank begs Adele
and Henry to let him hole up for a few days until he's strong enough to flee.
He's very polite, charming, a great cook, and hunky so, of course, they trust
him. I mean, who wouldn't feel secure around a convicted murderer with Josh
Brolin's eyes? Within 24 hours, Henry is smitten, Adele is aroused, and
everyone is free to come and go without restraint. Because it's a holiday
weekend and no trains that Frank can hop are running on the local tracks, the
three are stuck with each other for five days. (Odd. I thought there were
usually extra trains over holidays.
Nor did I realize that everything shut down for five days because of Labor
Day. I also thought long weekends were three days long.) A new family unit emerges before our eyes, the only inconvenience being
that police cars keep patrolling the neighborhood in search of Frank. That
could happen, right?
Is your credulity stretched yet? Wait for it. Adele's
neuroses are so severe that her house is falling apart, so Frank spends his
days fixing up the old homestead. In addition to being a great cook he's also a
mason, a carpenter, a floor washer, a plumber, and pretty handy at fixing
shingles. The guy who is too weak to go on the lam lifts rocks, swings a mean
hammer, and spends a lot of time outside on a ladder, the roof, and the
porch–despite all those police cars and a street full of neighbors. There's a
lame explanation for all of this. If you buy it, you'll probably also believe
that women fall in love when a man makes a peach pie. Yes, peach pie is also a
plot device–device being the key word. This film has it all–nosy neighbors, a
too-helpful local cop, a Goth girl interested in Henry, a weak-kneed biological
father, flash-backs that explain how Frank ended up in jail, a flash forward to
an adult Henry (Tobey Maguire in a cameo), and even an implausible attempt to
run away as a family to Prince Edward Island. Why Prince Edward Island? Why
not? It makes about as much sense as anything else in a film riddled with
gaffes, clichés, and more holes than a tweed jacket at a moth picnic.
This film even managed to tick me off on a personal level.
Much of it was filmed in nearby Shelburne Falls. For reasons that have to do
with offering tax avoidance candy to filmmakers, Western Massachusetts is
occasionally a location site. Aside from part of The Ciderhouse Rules (1999) though, nobody has made a watchable
film emanating from this region since Who's
Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966). Labor
Day made me want to march on Boston and demand a rebate on my taxes. –Rob Weir
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