Ho Ho, No!
Here’s our annual
Black Friday “How to Opt Out of Christmas” piece. It gets a yearly refresh.
Here's the 2017 version.
Years ago we opted out of Christmas. It wasn’t the money; we
simply wanted release from the stress and mindless consumerism. Spare us the
Babe in the Manger speeches; Christmas in America is more about Adam Smith than
Baby Jesus. Or is it Xi Jinping? Communist China manufactures what passes for
North American Christmases.
Our breaking point came when our nieces and nephew were still
children. One Christmas morning they were literally
swamped under a mound of gifts, with wrapping paper piled to twice the height
of the youngest! The kids no sooner opened one present than another was thrust at
them so that every relative under the sun could snap a photo. Soon, they were
dazed and numb. By mid-afternoon the wrapping paper and boxes had more allure than
the presents. Sadder still, the wreckage represented hundreds of dollars of
outlay, much of it from working-class folks that could have used the cash for much
better purposes.
Christmas is even dumber for adults. It's a zero sum game: You
buy me the item on page 72 of the L.L. Bean catalog and I’ll buy you one from
page 104. Such a system of forced reciprocity is about as sentimental as
sharing a cold. Even worse, Christmas shopping sends consumers down the rabbit
hole of debt. Consider that the average
American family now has a negative income; they owe more than they earn.
Our nieces and nephew are older now and have kids of their
own. We have one parent left between us and other extended family members have
departed. Now we think about "intentional" family— friends, younger
folks, and neighbors whose presence
we cherish more than their presents.
It's pretty hard for anyone with kids to avoid Christmas
altogether—no matter one's religious heritage—because it has become a secular
holiday rooted in materialism, not spiritualism. Still, you don't have to fly a white surrender flag on
Black Friday and join the sheeple at a soul-crushing mall. Here are a few
alternatives:
Step One: Breaking the Habit Through the
Power of Guilt.
You can start breaking the materialist habit by getting the
adults in your life to join you in opting out. We started by asking people not
to buy any gifts for us and telling them we'd rather they give money to a
charity. Let them know which ones you'd prefer and ask them which charities
they'd like us to support in their name. Our Oxfam request went down a
storm—those with kids got pressure from them
once they got a look at the brochure filled with animals that donations help purchase!
We also found that appeals to how lucky we are to have so much went a long
way—especially when linked to the whole notion of Christmas being a season of
giving. It took a few years to get everybody on board, but soon adult gift
giving stopped to everyone's relief.
Step Two: Be True to
Your Principles.
Spend quality time with friends and family. Don't just say
you want to get out of the mall and spend QT with them—Do it! Schedule dinners in or out with close
friends and family. It doesn't even have to be that complicated. You'd be
stunned how much it means when you ask someone you've not seen for a while to chat
over a cup of coffee. There's not much that tops sitting in a decorated café
with your hands wrapped around a warm mug on a cold December day and laughing
with someone you care about. Ho, ho, ho indeed!
Step Three: Replace
Consumer Goods with Thoughtful Ones.
Presents are really a reminder that you care and there are
plenty of ways to say that better than junk from Walmart. Do you know anyone
who hates homemade baked goods? Can you lighten someone's burden by helping
them with a household task? Can you give them a ride if their car is in the
shop? Are you craft-oriented? (One
friend has a perfect knack for offering small ornaments that fit the
personalities of the recipients.) We have a staple of films we watch with
others around holiday time: It's a
Wonderful Life to be sure, but also the Scottish film Comfort and Joy, and a few that aren't seasonal
at all. Make popcorn or crack a few beers as is your pleasure, but watch with someone
else. The biggest gift you can give is your time!
Step Four: Replace
Old Rituals with New Ones.
Confession: we loathe Christmas carols, plastic reindeer,
mall Santas, and blow-up lawn displays. If you too dislike hollow rituals, make
some new ones. We buy a new tree ornament every year, date it, and share
memories when past ones come out of storage. We celebrate Moosemas on December
16 by eating clam chowder and drinking Scotch. (Festivus is also good for some
laughs!) A small ritual is walking amidst the downtown lights on Christmas Eve
after the stores close. Another is strolling in the woods on late Christmas
morning. Still another is playing CDs of English and Scottish carols that we’ve
not heard a billion times. Our most cherished ritual involves annual
pre-Christmas dinners at a restaurant with our dearest friends. A favorite new
one is pooling resources to buy an expensive bottle of wine that we'd not buy
on our own. Merry Châteauneuf-du-Pape!
Step Five: Step into
the Light.
If you live in the North, the stretch between Thanksgiving
and Ground Hog’s Day is filled with (way too much) darkness. We like the ritual
of bringing light into the darkness. Take a drive and look at the lights; some
are garish and awful, but there's also a lot of cleverness and creativity on
display. This one also goes down well with the kiddos. Take a daylight hike and
collect pinecones, boughs, bittersweet, and other such things and fashion them
into a centerpiece for a candle. (This is often a mirthful moment for us, as we
have a distinct lack of talent for such things.) Other light-themed events include after-sunset shop window gazing,
bonfires, and nighttime visits to ice cream shops, cafes, and bars. Call it darkness
tempered by atmospheric lighting.
Step Six: Share the
Traditions of Others.
A very good way of breaking bad Christmas habits is to
remind kids and yourself that we live in a bigger world with lots of other
traditions. We've been honored to join Jewish friends celebrating Hanukkah,
which occurs December 12-20 this year. On December 1 Muslims celebrate the
birth of Muhammad (Mawlid). It depends on local practices whether outsiders are
welcomed, but you can certainly educate kids about it even if you can't attend
an event. Dhanu Sankrati is a joyous Hindu holiday that happens December 16 this
year, and odds are good a local Indian restaurant will prepare for it. December
8 is Bodhi Day for Buddhists. Spend some time in quiet reflection, as it's the
day Siddhartha Gautama became the enlightened one (Buddha). Need I tell you that Kwanzaa (December
26-January 1) is a poignant time to appreciate African American culture and
reflect on race relations in America? There are very good collections of
Kwanzaa music to enhance the mood.
The holidays are a good time to begin a child's global
education. Unicef and other agencies have programs to sponsor a child abroad.
Set one up for your kids and spend part of Christmas with books, pictures, and
maps that illustrate where that child lives. Corny as it sounds, a pen pal can
be amazing; one of us remembers a Peruvian pen pal better than his Christmas
toys! Help your kids write letters, and follow up with lessons on language, food,
and culture.
Step Seven: Treat
Yourself in December.
Take some of the dough you’re not spending on presents and
go out. Take in a concert or a show. Soak in a hot tub. Go to an inn. Ski.
Step Eight: Build Up
to Christmas Instead of Piling It Up.
Can you recall childhood says in which the anticipation of Christmas often surpassed
the event itself? After all, what's left after the presents are opened? Remember
those awkward silences sitting sat amidst the loot and wondering, "Now
what?" Thin of money-saving ways to anticipate Christmas Day.
Let's face it, Americans don' do delayed gratification very
well, which means a lot of us have most of what we might want. If it's the
thought that counts, why not spend the weeks before Christmas doing
"secret projects" with your kids. Let them make "special
gifts" for each other and for adults. Sure, they'll be silly and
ephemeral. As opposed to, say, the cheap toy that breaks in a week? Let them bake things, build stuff, and create.
Buy a little, not a lot. I suspect that they will get just as much pleasure
from the homemade stuff they give and receive as the store-bought items.
Step Nine: Remember
the Box Rule.
Overindulge children and you run the risk of overwhelming
them (or having them grow up to be pampered brats). Kids need to exercise their
imaginations so when you buy, gravitate toward things in which they can
participate, not merely consume. A box fort is fun—says an uncle who used to
dive right in with the kids! So
too are time-tested things that last: Lincoln logs, blocks, Legos, bikes,
fantasy dolls, interactive books, musical instruments…. It's telling that the
National Toy Hall of Fame contains exactly two electronic games in its entire
collection (Atari, Nintendo), which suggests that this year's glitzy
über-expensive “hot” toys will be landfill by Easter.
Step Ten: Make a
Wish.
When buying for kids, don't confuse quantity with quality.
You can establish some very solid life lessons if you make your kids set
priorities. Instead of buying everything under the sun, ask your kids a simple
question: If you could only get a few things, what would you really like? (You could even tell the
young ones they have to choose so Santa doesn’t run out of gifts for other
children.) Select a few of the reasonable ones because, hey, a pony won't fit
into the kitchen! Save them for last; let the handmade gifts and anticipation
come first.
Step Eleven: Socks are not Stinky!
It’s horribly environmentally unsound, but debris is part of
Christmas. So who says the stuff inside the paper has to cost an arm, a leg,
and a kidney? Sock gifts are a lot of fun–dollar store Etch-a-Sketches,
crayons, tops, and wind-up toys for kids, inexpensive foodstuffs for adults,
card games to share…. You can get very creative about sock gifts and you can fill
a sock for a fraction of what it costs to buy 'big' gifts.
Step Twelve: Make Christmas
all about the Food.
Polls tell us that America's favorite holiday is Thanksgiving
and not because it's our only non-religious non-patriotic event. It’s about
food, family, friends, and a relaxed pace. So make Christmas into a second
Thanksgiving. Prepare foods that take a long time to make. Buy that
aforementioned really good bottle of wine. Have a multi-course meal that
unfolds over several hours. And don’t forget to mention how lucky you are to
have so much when others have so little.
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