Really Bad Ideas: February 2-18 Edition

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I could probably write a daily column about the bad ideas that follow humankind like a bloodhound chasing the scent of a discarded steak, but winter always seems to focus my attention on negatives. Here’s your February edition.

1. Trump calls non-applauding lawmakers ‘treasonous.’

I won’t even get into issues such as the monumental insecurity, egoism, and childishness involved in fretting over bruised feelings. Let’s cut straight to the grammatical issues. First, the POTUS is apparently unaware that “legislator” is not a synonym for “sycophant.” Second, he’s equally oblivious of the word “opposition.” But these pale compared to his basic ignorance of the very definition of treason. Someone should give the Old Snollygoster a dictionary. I should think conspiring with a foreign power to influence a presidential election fits the definition of treason much better, yes?

2. Elon Musk sends a Tesla to orbit Mars.

It will orbit the Red Planet for about a billion years. Ummm… why? If, as stated, the objective is to test the payload capacity of the new Falcon 9 heavy rocket, launch several tons of biodegradable material and aim it at the sun. This stunt isn’t even a hipster’s because-it’s-cool-and-I-can moment; it’s an act of eternal intragalactic littering. Musk has done some wonderful things in the past, but let’s call this what it is: one big, expensive advertisement for a company in which Musk is heavily invested. The Tesla is a great car, but do we have to junk up space to make that point?

3.  Attorney General Jeff Sessions’ war on marijuana.

I am not a user. Now that’s out of the way, I observe that nine states plus the District of Columbia have legalized pot. That upsets our Attorney General, who is considering using federal power and the FDA to overturn state efforts and assure that marijuana remains a Schedule I dangerous drug. Science, of course, does not support such a ridiculous classification, but there’s a bigger jay to burn here. I thought Republicans were the states’ rights guys. Or does this only apply to social justice standards? It shouldn’t matter what I or Jeff Sessions thinks about marijuana—states have passed their own laws. This is rank hypocrisy on the part of the GOP. You know—the group that says Democrats want a “Nanny State.”

4. Consumers panic over quality of Girl Scout cookies.

For many years all GS cookies were baked in Massachusetts. Now some are also baked in New Hampshire and diehard consumers worry that the Granite State comestibles may not measure up. Some have even demanded labels so they can determine ovens of origin. Oh for heaven’s sake! Does anyone buy Girl Scout cookies under the illusion that they are health food? Or that they are the best cookies one could purchase? Get a life!

 

5. Stan Rosenberg is still in the Massachusetts Senate.

I like Stan Rosenbeg. He’s a true liberal and he has done well for his Western Massachusetts constituents. He raised eyebrows when he, a gay man, announced that his 68-year-old self intended to marry Byron Hefner, who is just 30. So what? Relationships need make sense only to those involved in them and the rest is nobody’s damn business. Except when those relationships spill into politics. It looks increasingly likely that Hefner is a solipsistic con artist. That’s sad, and he and Rosenberg have separated. Worse, Hefner used his connections and Rosenberg’s accounts to engage in lobbying and political muscle flexing. For this, Rosenberg must be held accountable as only he could give Hefner access. Both Yvonne Abraham and Adrian Walker of the Boston Globe have called for him to step down and Rosenberg is subject to a State Ethics Commission probe. Liberals must face the fact that one of their own has committed errors of judgment they would not countenance from a conservative. Rosenberg’s political career lies in tear-stained shards and he can no longer be an effective advocate for constituents. Call it a tragic end to a hitherto good man, but Rosenberg needs to resign, reassess, and heal.

6. Donald Trump wants a parade to celebrate military might.

Fine. Let’s do it. As long as our self-styled Premier grows a push-broom mustache, dons a military tunic, and sends all future White House press releases to Pravda. What fun it will be to have Trump tweet about the size of his schlong vis-à-vis a cavalcade of nuclear-tipped ICBMs. Sarah Huckabee Sanders can stand admiringly by his side. Eyes front, Sarah!    

7. The Westminster Dog Show

I roared at Best in Show, the 2000 movie parody of this event, but that’s the only thing I find amusing about the Westminster Dog Show. I felt really sad when I saw pictures of the primped and trimmed, floofed and poofed pooches for this year’s competition. I wanted to lead a breakout and direct these trussed up tail-waggers to a dumpster dive. Let dogs be dogs!