Worst Films Viewed in 2010

Winner of the not-so-coveted Worst of the Worst Award!

Everyone has a “Best of” list and so will we later, but let’s ring in the new decade properly with a list of films to avoid for 2011. If you have any of these in your Netflix cue, delete them immediately.

Rule one for bad cinema is that the film doesn’t have to have been made in 2010, merely viewed in that year. Rule two is that big-budget disappointments stink worse than independent ineptitudes, so some of these fall into the “big-hype-little-pay off” category. Rule three is that we can revise initial ratings. Some films just seem worse the more one contemplates them.

The films that show up with links will take you to a full-length review, just in case you want more turkey feathers strewn across your screens. Lars’ top ten turkeys are, from awful to merely horrible are:

1. Shaun of the Dead--a film about zombies that was apparently also acted, written, and directed by zombies.

2. Vincere--Some art house geeks loved this film, but Mussolini as Don Juan? Are you frickin’ kidding me?

3. Broken Embraces--Another pretentious stinker from Almodóvar, who hasn’t had anything to say in years yet continues to say it.

4. Avatar--All that money for plagiarism bathed in blue?

5. Black Swan--Showgirls in tutus.

6. Chloe--The entire film is simply a voyeuristic excuse to see Julianne Moore roll about naked with Amanda Seyfried. Okay--but a script would have been nice.

7. The Girl Who Played with Fire--The middle part of the trilogy and it feels like what it is: a heavy link between parts one and two.

8. The Fantastic Mr. Fox--A highly hyped piece of neo-con family values hogwash masquerading as clever animation (which it isn’t).

9. Nowhere Boy--I’m surprised that John Lennon hasn’t risen from the grave to repudiate this revisionist whitewash of his boyhood.

10. Harper--That rarest of things--a bad Paul Newman film. This 1966 Newman- as-hardboiled-PI aged more like American cheese than gruyere.


Dominique said...

I can't believe you added Avatar to this list! Avatar for the movies is like the iPad to the world of laptops... It takes you in its world with incredible ease, using the best of today's movie-magic making, in a convincing and smooth package... It was so smooth that you didn't see the technology and concentrated only on the cliches... So sad...

Anonymous said...

I saw the technology and that's all it was - technology. If that's all you want, stare at an iPod for 3 hours.