Big Foot Wins!

Big Foot knows the Constitution better than New Hampshire park officials.

Score one for the little guy. Or should I say, for the big furry guy. Those outside of New England may not have heard of Jonathan Doyle. He’s a free spirit who gets his jollies by dressing up as Big Foot and scrambling around the rocks of New Hampshire’s Monadnock Mountains. It was big goof that evolved into a concept. Doyle took to interviewing hikers about their alarm at confronting Big Foot and posting small videos on YouTube. Everything was done in the snarky, ironic, and self-reflexive style that dominates the Internet. Sometimes Doyle made himself as Big Foot the subject of the interview, with “Big Foot” commenting on his brush with homo sapiens sapiens. Doyle even planned to do a “mockumentary” film titled The Capture of Big Foot.

Everyone was having a good laugh until the State of New Hampshire stepped in. Wonder why Ron Paul is popular in the Granite State and why folks up that way distrust government? It might have something to do with the fact that its regulators have the commonsense of the average mollusk. As word got out about Doyle’s theatrics, the “Live Free or Die” state decided that Doyle had become an “event.” As an “event,” Doyle was required to secure a $100 special events permit and post a $2 million bond--a pretty hefty hunk of change for a guy in a glorified gorilla suit. So Doyle exchanged the monkey suit for a lawsuit, got in touch with the ACLU, sued, and won. The Supreme Court of New Hampshire–showing more mental acuity than the regulatory mollusks–decided that the law was too vague. (No kidding!) Now Doyle is free to let his wild spirit gambol amidst Monadnock’s gnarly gneiss.

While I’m on the subject of New Hampshire, isn’t it time also to call out the hypocrisy of the Granite State? It prides itself on having no state income tax. Big frickin’ deal! Everything else costs an arm and a leg up there. How does it fund mollusk regulators and the rest of the state? By having very high property taxes, by gouging drivers a $1.40 toll to drive the 13 miles from the Massachusetts line to Kittery, Maine, by having user taxes on everything, and by trying to fleece jokesters like Doyle. And, oh yeah, by not spending much; New Hampshire has some of the worst public services north of the Mason-Dixon. Maybe it would be better off with Big Foot running the show.