This morning Phoenix opened a magazine and there was an insert with a single sheet of a Viva paper towel. The accompanying advertisement promised that though Viva we would “Savor all that Life Has to Offer.” As you can imagine, we were excited beyond words. And that was the problem!
Phoenix carefully placed the genie-like scrap on the kitchen counter. Our minds began to race. What was it that we had not been experiencing in our lives that was within Viva’s power to grant? Sudden fame? Untold wealth? A self-cleaning house? Unspeakable sensual pleasure? The security of knowing that no tartar was building up on our cat’s teeth? I think I’m also speaking for Phoenix when I say that Viva’s promise was a special family moment for us. Just to think that all of human experience would suddenly be ours to savor….
Alas, the weight of unlimited bliss proved overwhelming. The toast popped up, I buttered it, and brought it to the counter. I grabbed the honey jar, which was sticky, and left a ring on the counter. Without a thought I grabbed the Viva talisman, wiped up the honey, and placed the sticky jar atop it. In a single thoughtless instant I broke the spell. When I lifted the jar, the Viva towel proved unable to grant a task as simple as telling me where I left my car keys—the path to savoring all of life was considerably beyond its means.
So now I sit at my computer and blog, my mind troubled by what I have lost. I could be lying on a Tahitian beach with naked and nubile women fanning me with palm fronds. Instead I’m in my study pondering deep questions such as “Who are the morons who write ad copy drivel?”--LV
Phoenix carefully placed the genie-like scrap on the kitchen counter. Our minds began to race. What was it that we had not been experiencing in our lives that was within Viva’s power to grant? Sudden fame? Untold wealth? A self-cleaning house? Unspeakable sensual pleasure? The security of knowing that no tartar was building up on our cat’s teeth? I think I’m also speaking for Phoenix when I say that Viva’s promise was a special family moment for us. Just to think that all of human experience would suddenly be ours to savor….
Alas, the weight of unlimited bliss proved overwhelming. The toast popped up, I buttered it, and brought it to the counter. I grabbed the honey jar, which was sticky, and left a ring on the counter. Without a thought I grabbed the Viva talisman, wiped up the honey, and placed the sticky jar atop it. In a single thoughtless instant I broke the spell. When I lifted the jar, the Viva towel proved unable to grant a task as simple as telling me where I left my car keys—the path to savoring all of life was considerably beyond its means.
So now I sit at my computer and blog, my mind troubled by what I have lost. I could be lying on a Tahitian beach with naked and nubile women fanning me with palm fronds. Instead I’m in my study pondering deep questions such as “Who are the morons who write ad copy drivel?”--LV
Posts
2 comments:
HYSTERICAL!!! It really made me laugh!! Oh, that the Viva paper towel could take away all of my probs in one clean swoop...aaah, bliss!!
Then there was the appetite suppressant with the brand name "AIDS," which promised to melt weight away. There's truth in advertising...
Post a Comment