I'm Not Pissed Off by Marine Pissing Incident

Aggressive pissing--not nice, but not a war crime.

You can place this one near the top of my “Damned-if-I-Care” list. The Obama administration and the U.S. Marines Corps have expressed shock over a video in which four Marines were shown urinating on the bodies of Taliban combatants. Disciplinary action is probably in the offing as, after all, we must show the world that Americans don’t do mean things. So once again, some kids will be made sacrificial lambs to cover the sins of their elders.

Do I condone urinating on bodies? No. But given what is asked of those sent to Afghanistan, if the worst troops do in such an untenable situation is pee on a few corpses, they’re hardly war criminal material. Isn’t it oh-so-easy to punish those on the ground for geopolitical obstacles that policymakers can’t solve and military leaders are powerless to remove? If these four Marines receive anything stronger than a stern lecture, their unit should demand a transfer stateside.

The hypocrisy of policymakers and military brass is stunning. What did you expect? You train young people to become killing machines, tell them that the enemy represents pure evil, build unit cohesion, then send them off to a place where they watch their comrades killed and brutalized. Then you say, “Remember kids; be nice.” How does that work, exactly? I also can’t condone the torture of living human beings the likes of which we saw at Abu Graibh, but those who were surprised by that are eligible to have their pictures posted in the dictionary beside the entry for naïveté.

As for complaints from the Taliban (in Pakistan, of course!) about American “brutality” and the “desecration” of Muslim bodies, please excuse me while I sneer. Listening to complaints from the Taliban is like listening to a hangman complaining about rope burn. I’ll get upset about Piss-Gate when I hear the Taliban apologize to Daniel Pearl’s widow. I wonder where the Marines got the idea to disrespect corpses? It couldn’t have anything to do with seeing the video of Pearl’s beheading, or of witnessing American bodies being dragged through the streets, could it? It’s hypocrisy even by the Taliban’s debased standards to moan about rules of war that it doesn’t respect.

The very best way to make sure this sort of thing doesn’t happen again is to bring the troops home. Retribution for 9/11 has been exacted, Osama bin Laden is dead, the Taliban is tucked away in Pakistan, and the Karzai government in Kabul is just as sexist and treacherous as the one he replaced. Every day troops remain active in the senseless Afghani conflict increases the odds that some soldiers will act in ways they’d normally find repulsive. It’s time to exit and let Afghanis sort out this Inferno for themselves.

As for me, I really do want people to be nice. So here’s my ecumenical gesture in the name of promoting world peace. If I die a natural death–as opposed to being killed by a religious fanatic–persons from all religious persuasions are invited to piss on me. I only ask that you line up nicely and don’t fight.