The Nation Boring Association
I keep trying to love the National Basketball Association, but I fail–and it's not because my
favorite team, the Boston Celtics,
has about as much chance of winning the NBA title as Hillary Clinton has of
being tapped Miss Congeniality. There are two reasons why I find today's NBA
unbelievably dull. It starts with poor fundamentals. In my youth, I could
shoot a 20-foot jumper better than a lot of today's pros and that's not
hyperbole. But the bigger reason why the product is dull is the same reason why
the Celtics are unlikely to see Round Three of the playoffs; somewhere along
the line, the NBA stopped being a team game.
It used to be that a team that had only a superstar was too weak to win titles; now a team that lacks
a superstar has no chance. Today's NBA is built around players like LeBron
James, Stephen Curry, and Russell Westbrook. No rap on them; they are
thoroughbreds who would have been great in any era. But now they can win games
entirely on their own because their opponents are average or mediocre. That
didn't used to be the case. Michael Jordan was perhaps the best of all time.
But everyone knew how to beat the Bulls in Jordan's early days in
Chicago–acknowledge that you couldn't stop him, but you could shut down the
stiffs around him. Make Michael sweat to get 35, and make sure no one else got
more than 12. Scottie Pippen made Jordan a champion; he cleared the boards and
passed the ball to guys like John Paxson, Steve Kerr, and Horace Grant who
scored consistently enough that Jordan didn't have to carry the team on his own.
Remember the Celtics Big Three–Robert Parrish, Kevin McHale,
and Larry Bird? How many teams thought if they contained those guys they'd win?
And how many of them left the Garden with an "L" because Danny Ainge
or Dennis Johnson or Tiny Archibald or Reggie Lewis or Chris Ford torched their
pack-it-in defense? Remember Kareem Abdul Jabaar's great Lakers' teams?
Sure—Magic Johnson arrived on the scene and redefined the guard position, but
even if Kareem and Magic were off, there were superb players around them that
could fill the hoop: Charlie Scott, Michael Cooper, Norm Nixon, Jamaal Wilkes….
(Cooper, in my estimation, was enormously underrated.)
Some recent clubs still play team basketball, like the Tim
Duncan-era San Antonio Spurs or Golden State when Curry stops trying to do it
all. But the diminution of talent is pretty obvious across the NBA. One-and-done
college players fill rosters simply because they have "NBA bodies,"
not because they would recognize a trap defense if it came with steel-sprung
teeth. Put it this way: LeBron should not be able to defeat a team
single-handedly.
This brings me to the Celtics and why the current
get-younger plan won't yield a championship. Put bluntly, the Celtics are
run-of-the-mill– a roster of guys who can score but can't defend, and vice
versa. I love the offense of Isaiah Thomas, but he's a short guy in a tall
forest–officially 5'9" but 5'7" is closer to the truth– and can't stop
taller opponents. He's also the best the C's have on offer. The only player who
has the potential both to score and play D is the maddeningly inconsistent
Avery Bradley. Maybe Kelly Olynyk, if he got more minutes, but those are
currently being consumed by Amir Johnson (clunk!) and Al Horford, who needs to
start living up to his rebounding hype or will turn out to be a very bad
signing. Why have a scorer like Gerald Green if you don't intend to play him?
Will Jaylen Brown be the answer? Not for several years, if at all, and he will
need to get much stronger to be more than just a bit player—like Marcus Smart,
the last savior with more sins than redemptive power.
Time to stop the youth movement. The Celtics no longer
stink, but they are miles from scaring anyone. Were it my team, I'd package some
guys–say Smart, Jerebko, Johnson, and a number one pick–and go get that guy: the superstar that can
dominate all by himself. (DeMarcus Cousins?) PS—release James Young: NBA body,
high school understanding of the game.
Bowl Games
Just a matter of time till there is one! |
What a joke! There are 36 of them in the next several weeks,
not counting the national championship. You don't even have to have a winning
record to go to a bowl: North Texas (5-7) will face off against Army in the
Heart of Dallas Bowl, and Hawaii (6-7) is in the Hawaii Bowl. Mighty Boston College (6-6) will meet Maryland
(also 6-6) in the Quicken Loan Bowl, thereby assuring the one of them will
leave with a sub .500 record. (Two of BC's wins came at the expense of
UMass–one of the weakest programs in America–and Wagner, who was so bad that
UMass blew them out.) And the Quicken
Loan Bowl? Who the hell wants a trophy with that name sitting around the
den? But wait, it gets worse. There's the Belk
Bowl, named after a department store chain; the Dollar General Bowl, which honors a store selling things most
people would send to the landfill; the Russell
Athletic Bowl–will players compete in gym shorts?–and the Foster Farms Bowl. My favorite is the TaxSlayer Bowl. Can you imagine the
pride swelling in papa's breast when a decade from now when he tells his son,
"Daddy was the third-string linebacker on a team that went to the
TaxSlayer Bowl." Priceless!
MLB
Complete list of poor owners |
The Cubs win the World Series and immediately raise ticket
prices by 20%. That pretty much defines "gauche." How about a steep
discount for longtime season ticket holders who suffered through decades of
mediocrity rooting for terrible teams owned by some of the richest tightwads in
America?
Can we eliminate the farce of salary caps and revenue
sharing? My continuing mantra re: "small-market" teams is: "No
po' boys own MLB teams." So here's what some of those alleged
"small-market" teams have spent by the first week of December. The
Braves shelled out $5 million per for the so-so Sean Rodriguez; $7 million for
Charlie Morton, a bad pitcher with a 46-71 lifetime record; $600,000 for Jakob
Lindgren, a minor leaguer who will miss all of next season; and a whopping $12.5
million for Bartolo Colon, who is believed to be at least 106. The Twins
plopped down $8 mil plus for a catcher (Jason Castro); Oakland over $5.5 mil
for the immortal Matt Joyce; and the Marlins $11 million for Edinson Volquez, a
pitcher who usually manages to disappoint. Let's not even get into
bigger-market teams, like the Jays paying over $6 mil per for Steve Pearce, who
has been released more often than a trout in a fish-for-fun pond; or the
Rangers paying 39-year-old Carlos Beltran $16 million.
Whatever salary problems baseball might have are the result
of profligate spending by playboy owners and has nothing to do with the size of
the market. Let's face it—those with enough cash to own a baseball franchise
aren't locals in the first place–they can live wherever the hell they wish.
Red Sox get Chris Sale. This makes them odds-on favorites to get to the World Series next year. That may or may not happen, but one thing that must: Sox fans need to STFU about how the Yankess used to "buy" World Series' teams. The Red Sox are the new Evil Empire. (They, the Yankees and the Dodgers always were the Axis of Evil for anyone outside of Boston, New York, or LA.) Sorry, but the plea that the Sox "traded" for Sale rather than acquiring him as a free agent is the lamest thing I've heard in years. The Yankees used to trade with their top prospects as well–plus the current Sox roster contains numerous former free agents.Unless the Yankees do something quite silly, their payroll will be far less than that of the 2017 Red Sox–and that's including $26 million for A-Rod and Brian McCann, who aren't on the team any more. So own it, Sox fans--you are the Evil Empire II.
Red Sox get Chris Sale. This makes them odds-on favorites to get to the World Series next year. That may or may not happen, but one thing that must: Sox fans need to STFU about how the Yankess used to "buy" World Series' teams. The Red Sox are the new Evil Empire. (They, the Yankees and the Dodgers always were the Axis of Evil for anyone outside of Boston, New York, or LA.) Sorry, but the plea that the Sox "traded" for Sale rather than acquiring him as a free agent is the lamest thing I've heard in years. The Yankees used to trade with their top prospects as well–plus the current Sox roster contains numerous former free agents.Unless the Yankees do something quite silly, their payroll will be far less than that of the 2017 Red Sox–and that's including $26 million for A-Rod and Brian McCann, who aren't on the team any more. So own it, Sox fans--you are the Evil Empire II.
But don't count your chickens before they hatch. Price, Sale, and Porcello sound like the next coming of Maddux, Glavine, and Smoltz, but remember: the Braves won exactly one World Series with those guys!